Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
