if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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