after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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