I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
