Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
