Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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