Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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