kristin has been a bad kristin
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
