Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
