it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
