dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
