The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They took my balls.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
