she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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