Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
