I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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