how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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