I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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