We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
