there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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