it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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