Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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