Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am naked and annoyed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
