I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
