i was born a porn star she said
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize