We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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