I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
