it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
