BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
