you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
