There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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