a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
