using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The air was thick with penises
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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