i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
