I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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