I am in a vortex of obligation.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its not stalking. its research.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize