You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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