ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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