How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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