You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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