your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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