my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
