they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
