Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
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