i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
