she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
