The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
