so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
