I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize