I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
