She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
