I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
