Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
