I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
