You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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