So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
