My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
