Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
