It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
