I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was like eating out sand paper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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