If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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