So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
