I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
