When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
