I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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