It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
