but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
