i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
