you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
