Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
