I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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