I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
