I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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