Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your penis caused this!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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