i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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