Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
