Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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