He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize