He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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