Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
