Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
