god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk is not a location!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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