she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
