no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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