hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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