Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
