D3 body, D1 cock
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
