I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
