Grow some girl-balls and come out already
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
