So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
