i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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