At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
