I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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