she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
