you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
