you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
