why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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