i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
