I accidentally burped into my bong.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
