Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
