You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
