Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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