Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
