Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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