She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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