gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
