Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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